I Hate Children Children's Show

Quotes from the stars

Great quotations for and about kids!

We just got this idea for a quotes page for you guys in the press.  You can grab any quote here you like.  If you need context then let us know and we can give you more about setting and the info surrounding these quotes. We will ad a bunch more quotes in the next week as we really love this idea and we hope it will be helpful for you. 

If you do use a quote in your blog, for a review, or for your tell all book about the horrors of kid show performing, then please send us an email with whatever you used.  We will then pull that off of this page so that others don't use it.  This way you will know that you are getting the freshest quotes, unsullied by other publications.  We are all about the freshness here at IHC.  Wow.  That was a fun quote "We are all about the freshness".  You can use that.  See how easy it is.


Quotes from the show

“Musical chairs is like pre-school Darwinism.” Paul Nathan

“I like to play hang man with a real noose. It makes things more exciting.” Paul Nathan

“I am in heaven. I didn’t expect to see so many of you here.” Paul Nathan

“You are so cute… I want to snort you like a diet pill.” Paul Nathan

“Your hair is sticking up… I looks like you got your Rogaine mixed up with your Viagra.” Paul Nathan

“Children are like precious flowers… I like to make necklaces out of their heads.” Paul Nathan

Quotes about winning the Editor's Choice Award for best Children's Show

“We are here to meet single moms and make money… This prize was a total shock to us.” Paul Nathan

“It’s hard to believe they could win anything… Look at them. They are old and fat.” Kamee Abrahamian – Show spokeswoman
“Being the lawyer for an award winning show is great.  I get to charge more.”  Paul Spiegel – Show’s Lawyer
“Don’t give him an award… You just validate his bad behavior.” John Anaya
“Does the award come with beer?” John Anaya
“Great… Now the magician is going to celebrate by going out and eating cake. That’s just going to make him fatter – Not jollier, just fatter.”

Quotes about parents

“Two years ago we had a couple of dads get into a fight over the last three tickets at the box office.  I know it’s shameful but I am a little bit proud of that.” Paul Nathan

“Being a parent usually means putting up with a lot of horrible noise and bad cartoons.  The magician is noisy and bad but he is too fat to be a cartoon.” John Anaya

Quotes from Paul’s lawyer

"Paul is the Hunter S. Thompson of children's performers.  That's why he keeps me close at hand."  Paul A. Spiegel, IHC legal counsel.

"The best part of being a lawyer for this show?  Paul pays me handsomely.  He HAS to!" Paul A. Spiegel, IHC legal counsel.

"Between parents getting in fistfights over tickets at the box office and confusion over the photo policy and keeping Paul out of jail for selling absinthe this show keeps me pretty busy."  Paul A. Spiegel, IHC legal counsel.

Quotes about kids

"kids are like little adults but with a lot more naps" Paul Nathan

"Children are a horrible invention... They are short, loud, and pay concession pricing." Paul Nathan

"My daughter loves this show." John Anaya

"Paul does this show for the money, I do it to meet single moms." John Anaya

"John is full of it.  I am totally in this show to meet single moms... And for the money." Paul Nathan

"Working this show is like running a pre-school - Not the audience... I am talking about Paul and John - It's like they didn't have mommy to match their sox for them. Hopeless." Kamee Abrahamian Associate Producer - I Hate Children Children's Show

"The joke about hating kids... Hate is such difficult word to defend against in court." Paul Speigal, IHC Lawyer

"The hardest part about being a lawyer for this show?  Getting Paid" Paul Speigal, IHC Lawyer

"Paul is the Hunter S. Thomsan of childrens perfromers.  He needs to keep a lawyer on hand." Paul Speigal, IHC Council


 “I don’t hate kids. I hate babies… I’m just compensating” – Thomas John, IHC staff writer
“I voted for “Baby Tossing” for the 2012 Olympic Games” –Thomas John, IHC staff writer
“It’s easy to write jokes about kids…getting the lawyer to approve them is the hard part" -Thomas John, IHC staff writer



Quotes about parents

"Parents are great.  They have this playfulness about them that melts my heart." Paul Nathan

"Being a parent gives you an excuse to ride the rides and dance like an idiot because you are doing it for your kids." John Anaya


“We wanted to make a “I Love Parents Parent Show” but apparently there is already a market for that and it’s all over RedTube” –Thomas John, IHC staff writer
“I love parents, they make up 3/4’s of my favorite words: apparently, parenthetical, and transparent”-Thomas John, IHC staff writer
“Parents are great. Who else is going to pay the ransom?”-Thomas John, IHC staff writer

Quotes about familes

 “As the only parent in the show I think I speak with an added authority when I say… The Magician is FAT!” John Anaya

Quotes about traveling with kids

“It’s not the kids that we hate when we travel… It’s the parents.  The parents that refuse to stop their horrible child from being horrible.  It’s the horrible adults with their bad genes and worse parenting skills. It’s the parents who know that their kids are awful but inflict them on the rest of us.  I don’t believe in hell but after eight hours on a long haul with a kid kicking my seat while his mom lets him I hope and pray that there is and that his parents reside there for a long long time.”

Quotes about your partner

“He’s fat!” John Anaya about co-star, Paul Nathan

“I’m not sure what he does.” Paul Nathan about co-star, John Anaya

“He has the biggest head you have ever seen. I was afraid he would scare the kids with his big head.” Paul Nathan about co-star, John Anaya

List of things you love

Paul Nathan
Long walks on the beach, quiet children, high grosses.
John Anaya
Slow blues, quiet magicians, cheap drinks

List of thinks you hate

Paul Nathan
Snot, bad kids, parents who let their kids be bad,
John Anaya
Pop music, closing time, magician

Quotes about hating children

Quotes about the show

Quotes about performing

Show Information

Book tickets now!


Pleasance Courtyard - Beside Theater
60 Pleasance
Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ
Time: 12:15 Daily
August 1-27 2012

Directions to the theater

Devil in the Deck

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