We stayed up one night drinking and writing a bunch of horrible things about children then we gathered together some of the worst things ever said about children from some of the greatest minds of all times.  Here is our list of the best children's quotes in the world.

clubpaul"Children are like beautiful flowers - I like to spray them with weed killer and make necklaces out of their heads"

Paul Nathan - From The I Hate Children Children's Show


“Stop now before I kill you.

A word to the wise from your friend


Stephen King


“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

Rodney Dangerfield


“You may have a lot of friends, but you only have one family”

Eugene Lebid


“We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open.”

Harry Edwards


"Musical Chairs is like pre-school Darwinism"

Paul Nathan - from The I Hate Children Children's Show


“No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.”



“I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!”

Jarod Kintz


“When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.” 

Brian P. Cleary


"Children are evil they are terrible things,

they are sticky, and smelly, and bounce around like springs. 

Children are awful they carry disease,

they rarely say please,

many have fleas,

they don't eat their peas.

But the thing I hate most about the horrible tikes,

the ticket price is lower, they pay only half price."

Paul Nathan - from The I Hate Children Children's Show


"Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate."



"Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them."

Lady Bird Johnson, former U.S. first lady


"Children are our most valuable resource."

Herbert Hoover, 31st U.S. president


"Hugs can do great amounts of good, especially for children."

Princess Diana, Princess of Wales


"A person's a person, no matter how small."

Dr. Seuss, author


"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see."einstein laughing

John W. Whitehead


“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

Albert Einstein


“Make it a rule never to give a child a book you would not read yourself.”

George Bernard Shaw


“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.”

Margaret Mead


“Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them”

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry


“When kids hit 1 year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.”

Jonny Depp 


“Children see magic because they look for it.”

Christopher Moore


“It's never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Tom Robbins


“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”

Garrison Keillor 


You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones


We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up.

Christopher Morley


Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.

Harold Hulbert


Children are one third of our population and all of our future. 

Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981


Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. 

Fran Lebowitz


Boy, n.:  a noise with dirt on it. 

Not Your Average Dictionary


I am fond of children - except boys. 

Lewis Carroll


Youth is a wonderful thing.  What a crime to waste it on children. 

George Bernard Shaw


What is a home without children?  Quiet. 

Henny Youngman


There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. 

Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 1945


Do your kids a favor - don't have any. 

Robert Orben


Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for. 

Jerry Seinfeld


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. 

Phyllis Diller


Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. 

Red Skelton


There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. 

Frank A. Clark